I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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