Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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