he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
