I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
