you're like a bully in the Christmas story
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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