just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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