I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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