she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
