Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
