At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
