Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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