College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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