I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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