I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
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