We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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