She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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