So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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