Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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