She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
