Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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