Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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