The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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