i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We are all done wearing pants today
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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