i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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