So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
