i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
