Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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