why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
