Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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