she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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