You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
