I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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