I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize