when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
