he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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