Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
