Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think my moral compass just broke
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
