dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
