Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
