i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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