just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
