i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize