Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
