when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
