1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
