I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize