i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
