He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, beer. Big fan.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
