And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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