i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
