i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
