I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
