my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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