so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
