Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
