Moan for me like Helen Keller
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
