Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
