im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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