Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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