Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
