My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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