Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
