it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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