don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize