I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
