Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
